Maybe you see an ad for a particularly lovely escort on a review site, or stumble across their profile on Tryst. How should you reach out to them?
First off, read the information we have available. On every site I’m on, I mention that I require deposits for meet-ups. Despite this, I have people reaching out who think they can circumvent this rule, or usually, are surprised that deposits are a requirement for me, which they could have figured out if they had merely glanced at my profiles. (I even mention deposits in my Twitter bio!) If you are looking for, say, a dominatrix, but the escort you’re looking at specifically mentions they only offer GFE on their website, you just saved yourself time from not having to message them a question. This really should be a no-brainer, but: don’t try to persuade an escort to do something they have said they won’t do. It’s not worth anyone’s time to even attempt that, and you come off as entitled, rude, and possibly, unsafe to be around.
Check out the escort’s rates, availability, whether they only do scheduled appointments or are open to same-day dates, and anything else relevant that you can think of. If all looks good, you can reach out to them. (If not, it’s time to look for someone who suits you better.) Be especially on the lookout for what the escort requires regarding screening; we may ask you for a scan of your driver’s license, work email, etc., and be prepared to send us the corresponding information, if not off the bat, very soon into our communications. Some may have a contact form that they expect you to fill out. Simply, fill it out. If they don’t offer clear instructions on how to reach out, here are some examples I made up for texting or emailing:
“Hi Kori, I’m Sandy. I’m looking to schedule an overnight date for either March 15th or 16th, if you are available then. Attached is my LinkedIn profile and driver’s license, as you requested on your ad. I am able to pay the deposit with Bitcoin. Let me know if you need any other information from me, and I look forward to hearing from you.”
“Hello Kori. My name is Lorelei. After looking at your EscortBook profile, I would be interested in booking a couple of dates for later in April. I didn’t see any information on screening, but let me know if you want me to send anything your way before scheduling. I also have the deposit ready for when we finalize plans. Have a good evening.”
If you really want to meet up with a certain escort, but don’t know if they offer what you are looking for, send a polite and direct message like I illustrated above, then say something along the lines of, “I read through your ad, but I didn’t see anything about incalls. Are you able to do those? Please let me know.”
Overall, reaching out to us involves: acknowledging that we have busy schedules (whether or not related to escorting itself), are human beings, do this as a form of income, and are constantly looking out for our own safety.
I feel like anyone who is of average intelligence can understand what I have written above, and will be able to infer what to do and what not to do when placed in a new situation regarding booking a date with an escort. However, through sex work, I have met some of the dumbest people I’ve ever come across. Because of this, I will be adding a bonus “don’t you dare do this” section below:
- Message, “Hi” “How are you?” or ” I’m horny now, can you come meet with me?” In your initial message to an escort, tell us a little about yourself (without bragging…seriously, we’re not impressed), acknowledge that you have read our ads/profiles/websites, and let us know you’re a serious client by being proactive about safety checks and deposits.
- Try to low-ball our services or ask for anything for free. We’re working. If you don’t think it’s work, you have no business trying to reach out to an escort.
- Ask about prices, unless for some reason, you can’t find any information about it with a thorough search. It either tells us you didn’t bother reading what we wrote, or you’re trying to be clever (which you’re not) and steeply negotiate our rates.
- Say, “Other escorts do it for me!” Oftentimes, we won’t believe you. Even if it is true, we are individuals and don’t have do what others are doing. If other escorts do it for you, go back to them.
- Be demanding of our time. Escorts are free to do what we want with our time, as long as we’re fulfilling professional obligations. If you send a message, and we don’t respond for a few hours, or maybe even a full day, just be patient. (If flakiness on the part of the escort is getting in the way of setting up an appointment in a timely manner, you should move on to another, but politely let the original escort know why.)
- Complain about safety vetting or deposits. Even if you are safe to be around, that kind of behavior sets off red flags in the escorting community. Unfortunately, sex worker deaths are quite common, and we’ll try as best as we can to avoid putting ourselves into potentially dangerous situations. Sadly, even so, bad people have managed to get around our safety checks. But by implementing stronger vetting processes, we are able to lower the risks.
- Voice or accuse us of your suspicions of us or of escorts in general being scammers. Scammers exist in every industry, and unfortunately, this one is no different, especially with the lack of regulation and (even worse) the criminalization of the providers and/or clients most everywhere in the world. However, keep in mind that we escorts often spend a lot of money – sometimes in the hundreds or thousands per month – to even advertise ourselves, and in general, it doesn’t make good business sense for us to scam clients for pocket change. Have you seen my rates?? I pay approximately $100 per month for Tryst alone; I spent a couple of hundred dollars to have this website up for a few years; so much of my time is taken up dealing with timewasters and figuring out logistics even for legitimate clients. We are professionals, so please treat us as such. I understand the concerns about being scammed, but the truth is that we, the providers, deal with people attempting to scam us every single day. We have no sympathy for your paranoia and your unjust accusations.